Hindsight
by steelcrash
Summary: In the aftermath of the battle of Autobot City, Springer realizes just how much he's lost.
1. Chapter 1

Hindsight

Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers. They belong to Hasbro and Takara. I am merely taking them for a short spin.

Earth. What was left of Autobot City. Springer stood outside the med bay, didn't want to walk inside. Hot Rod, no. . .Rodimus was there. The name. Springer already hated it, hated what it meant. But he steeled himself for what was to come, pushing aside his own feelings, knowing that at the moment, his friend needed him, no matter what his name now was.

Rodimus Prime stood, staring down at the broken body of Optimus Prime. The look on his friend's face made Springer look away. So much pain. . .and something else, something he'd never seen before now. But Rodimus didn't see Springer. He fell to his knees, an anguished cry issuing from him. Springer knelt beside him, placed his arms around Rodimus.

"It's all right, Rodi. . ." Springer said.

He didn't move as the new Prime wilted against him, just held his friend until dawn.

-----

Three days later

The funeral was over and the business of rebuilding the city was finally at hand, although Springer had other ideas. He felt like he wasn't needed anymore. He hadn't had a chance to talk to Hot Rod. . .Rodimus since before the funeral for Prime and the others. Ultra Magnus had seen to it that the new Prime had the space he needed. At least that was the line the city commander was feeding them all.

Springer knew Rodi was hurting. They all were, and none more than his friend. They'd all lost friends, comrades. And he suspected now Hot Rod had lost more than that with the death of Optimus Prime. And with Prime's passing, he, Springer, had also lost something--his best friend. But he would never admit it to anyone he'd lost more than that. Because to even think about it made his spark ache in ways he'd never imagined.

Mercifully, even Arcee had the sense to avoid him, choosing instead to spend her time with Kup and comforting Daniel.

Now, the normally jovial triple changer found himself alone in the rec room. Well, almost alone. It was late and Jazz was the only other mech in the room, passed out alone at his own table, empty energon cubes surrounding the Autobot third in command. Except now, he wasn't even that.

Springer snorted at the thought, taking a sip of his own energon. He wanted nothing more than to sink to the bottom and stay there.

--

"You should be ashamed of yourself."

Springer onlined his optics a few times. The light in the room was too bright. Who'd turned up the lights in his quarters. Oh wait. Face down on table. Not my quarters, he thought, recognizing the rec room, the taste of stale high grade in his mouth and the fuzzy feeling in his processor.

"Are you even listening to a word I've said?" Ultra Magnus said.

Springer sat up, mustering the energy to glare back.

"Ashamed of myself. Right. Completely," Springer said.

"Don't be flippant with me," Ultra Magnus said. "You're supposed to be on patrol in 10 minutes, or haven't you bothered to check the duty roster?"

"I could give a damn less about the duty roster," Springer said.

Ultra Magnus frowned. He wasn't expecting that response.

"Go get some rest, all right? I don't think it would be good for Rodimus to see you in this condition," he said.

Springer raised an optic ridge. "This condition? He's seen me in this condition a thousand times because he's usually been right beside me, if you haven't forgotten," Springer said. "Just because he's Prime doesn't mean a damn thing, Magnus. He's still the same mech he always was. . .:

Magnus didn't answer.

"Springer. . .just go, all right?"

The green mech stood, shoved past Magnus. The nerve. . .

-----

Ops. Wasn't the same anymore. It was a mess, but they were still trying to work there anyway. Kup sighed. At least Rodimus had had the sense to get away. Not that he could blame the lad. . .too many memories, although he was sure he knew where he'd gotten off to. The last place anyone would look. The Ark.

:Kup:

The ancient mech ignored the comm.

:Kup, tell me where he is or I will go find him myself and drag him back. We can do this the easy way or you can make it difficult for all of us:

Difficult, my aft, Kup thought.

:Try his quarters. I'll check the mountain:

:Thank you: Ultra Magnus said.

Kup transformed, headed out and away from the city.

--

Rodimus ran his fingers over Teletran I's console. The screen was dark as the computer lay dormant for much-needed repairs. The Ark was quiet, almost empty. Some of her old crew still lived there and the ones that did avoided Rodimus like a human plague, for their own reasons as well as the grief and hostility resonating off his frame.

There was really no place else he could think of to go. He needed a little peace and quiet, although quiet he was getting but no peace. Rodimus figured he'd never have that again, not as long as he was Prime. He'd heard the whispers. . .that he was the reason Optimus was dead. Kup had assured him otherwise, but he knew his brashness hadn't helped during Prime's last desperate battle against Megatron.

And even though he had Kup's reassurance, he still blamed himself and would until his dying day.

"Lovely piece of technology, ain't it?"

Rodimus' head snapped up. He saw Jazz standing behind him.

"Don't worry, I'm not gonna shoot you or anything violent," Jazz said. "Just wanted to see how you are."

Rodimus gave him a wry smile. "I think you're the only one around here who hasn't thought about it," he said.

Jazz shrugged. "What's done is done," he said "Won't bring any of 'em back, no matter how much we miss 'em."

"I know," Rodimus said.

"Just remember the good times," Jazz said. "Even the bad ones. Seems like me an' Prowler had our share of both. I wouldn't trade any of it. All I have left now. Look, I know it's probably not a good time, but if you need to talk, I'll listen. I know what the others have been sayin' and they're wrong. I just wanted you to know. You know where to find me."

Rodimus watched Jazz walk away, lost in memories.


	2. Chapter 2

Hindsight

Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers. They belong to Hasbro and Takara. I am merely taking them for a short spin.

He wasn't at the Ark. Kup figured he try the observation platform on Lookout Mountain. It was one of Hot Rod's favorite places, not to hide, but to think. And that was where he found. . .Rodimus.

"Lad, you can't hide forever."

Rodimus turned, saw Kup staring back, hands on hips.

"I can try," Rodimus said.

"Ultra Magnus is looking for you, said he has some things to go over with you," Kup said.

"He can wait," Rodimus said, flashing a grin, defiance in the optics. But as quickly as it crossed his features, it was gone.

"Lad, this hasn't been easy for any of us, let alone you. You're not alone. Remember that. You have me and Springer and Arcee and Daniel. . ." Kup said.

Rodimus hmphed at that.

"What?" Kup asked.

"I haven't seen Springer since the funeral and Arcee runs the other way every time she sees me," Rodimus said.

"Give them time," Kup said. "This change. . .it's not going to be easy for any of us, especially you. Lad, remember, this isn't the first time I've gone through this. If you need me. . ."

"I know, Kup. I just need time," Rodimus said.

Kup placed a hand on his shoulder. "C'mon. We should head back before Ultra Magnus comes looking for both of us. Lad, give him a chance. He's just trying to help. You're not the only one hurting right now," Kup said. "He and Optimus were friends from the beginning--you know that. I've told you that story before, or have you forgotten?"

"No," Rodimus said. "But why does he have to act like this isn't bothering him at all, that all of this is just an. . .annoyance?"

"It's just Ultra Magnus' way of dealing," Kup said. "Like I said, let's head back."

--

"Something to go over" turned out to be an outline on the conduct that was expected from him now that he was the new Prime, what it meant to be Prime. Rodimus wanted to walk out and never come back but he stayed and listened, nodding appropriately when Ultra Magnus stopped. The only thing holding him in his seat were Kup's words. He knew damn well what it meant to be Prime--after all, up until a few days before, he'd had the best example, but he was gone now. And it was partly because of his own bad judgment.

And if he'd helped get Optimus killed, how could he lead the Autobots? Rodimus balled his fist at the thought. Again, doubt made his energon run cold. He knew his conduct during the battle hadn't been appropriate, that if he'd just followed orders, maybe things would have turned out different. But in his brashness, he thought he could make a difference, and he had. For the worse. And hindsight, as the humans said, was 20/20.

"Are you paying attention?" Ultra Magnus asked.

"Yes," Rodimus said.

"Good. We're done for the day then," Ultra Magnus said. "Don't forget--0800 sharp tomorrow morning. We have a meeting with the Earth Defense Command to brief them on the new Decepticon threat."

Rodimus nodded, biting back a particularly acid comment, leaving Ultra Magnus' office. He walked down the corridor, past the rec room. He stopped, walked back, peeked in. Only a few Autobots were there--the twins and Blurr, Springer sitting over in a corner by himself. He decided maybe it was time to clear the air with his friend.

He walked over, Springer glared back.

"I have nothing to say to you," Springer said, standing.

Rodimus raised an optic ridge. "We need to talk," he said.

"Now isn't a good time for me," Springer said.

"Why not?"

"I can think of plenty of reasons," Springer said. "The biggest being suddenly my best friend is not who he used to be."

He pushed past the new Prime, didn't look back.

"Spring. . ."

Springer hesitated, only a second. He bit his lip, wanted to turn around, go back, explain, but it hurt too much. Instead, he kept going.


	3. Chapter 3

Hindsight

Chapter

Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers. They belong to Hasbro and Takara. I am merely taking them for a short spin.

Rodimus rolled over in his berth, sitting up. Recharge eluded him. He kept dreaming about battle, both of them--Optimus' last battle with Megatron and his own inside Unicron with Galvatron. Every night since inheriting the Matrix he'd been driven awake by the sensation of Galvatron's hands around his throat, squeezing the life out of him. Tonight was no exception.

The Autobot leader checked his internal chronometer. 2:37 a.m. Still hours to go before he was supposed to be up for his briefing with the new EDC liaison. That promised to be a train wreck, as the humans said. He sighed. He would give anything to take back the past week. Anything, even if it meant his own life, because at this point, he thought, anything would be better.

And the whole self-doubt thing was new. He'd dealt with it before, who hadn't? But suddenly having the burden of leadership thrust upon him the way it was, the loss of everything he held dear, including himself, was almost too much for any one being to deal with. Because even though his spark still resonated within his chest, it was no longer himself who inhabited the new frame. Even Springer felt it. No, as far as Rodimus was concerned, Hot Rod died that day, too. And nothing could change it.

--

Marissa Fairborn wasn't quite what the humans called "perky," but she was damn close. The woman had gumption, though, for all her positive attitude, which at the moment, was grating Rodimus Prime the wrong way. It was all he could do to keep from tapping his fingers on the arm of his chair in annoyance. Funny, that. Not his chair. Never would be, anymore than the title of Prime sounded right in his audios, when said with his new name.

". . .and that is why we will now have a concentrated human presence here at the city to provide assistance in case of another Decepticon incursion on the scale of what occurred last week. . ." Fairborn said.

Rodimus frowned, and Fairborne kept going.

"We will be bringing in our new weapons system for testing, and to help augment Autobot defenses during the reconstruction of the city," she said.

"What?" Rodimus said, finally interrupting.

"Yes?" Fairborn asked. "Is something the matter?"

"Repeat that part about the concentrated human presence," Rodimus said.

"The EDC will be integrating some of its special operations forces to help provide security during the reconstruction of the city," she said.

"That's what I thought you said," Rodimus said. "Do you really think you can make a difference? Have you seen the damage done to this place? I mean, really looked? We got our afts handed to us and Autobot City was built with just such an attack in mind. Whose brilliant idea was this anyway?"

Fairborn glanced from Rodimus to Ultra Magnus, who had stayed silent through her presentation.

"Before leaving for the moon bases, Optimus was looking into the possibility of having a permanent attachment of EDC personnel assigned to the city," Ultra Magnus said. "If that answers your question."

Rodimus sat back in his chair, suitably cowed. He let the human resume her presentation, was grateful when she left.

Ultra Magnus gave him a disappointed look. "Obviously you still lack tact," he said, standing to leave. "I'm giving you the rest of the day to get your head together. Tomorrow morning you better be ready to get down to the business of learning to lead."

Rodimus nodded, watched Ultra Magnus leave the conference room.

-----

Springer walked in the open door of Ultra Magnus' office. He didn't say anything as he set down on the desk the data pad in his hands.

Ultra Magnus picked up the pad, read its contents, head snapping up to meet Springer's optics, only to find the green mech staring at the floor.

"Are you sure about this?" Ultra Magnus asked.

"Yes," Springer said. "And don't try and change my mind."

"Have you told them?"

"No," Springer said.

"What if I don't approve this request?"

"Then I guess I'll just have to deal with being stuck here," Springer said.

"I'll approve it if you fulfill my curiosity," the city commander said. "Why now? Why not wait? Springer, this is sudden. . ."

"I just don't want to have to be here anymore," Springer said, hoping Ultra Magnus wouldn't push further.

"All right, if this is what you want. . .there's a shuttle leaving at 1700, if you want to leave immediately," Ultra Magnus said.

"That suits me just fine," Springer said. He turned, walking away.

-----

Rodimus hoped to catch Springer in his quarters. He wanted to talk, sort things out. Everything had changed, thrown them all off kilter, and that was an understatement, even Daniel. He smiled at that thought. Daniel. One bright spot in a sea of darkness. As soon as Ultra Magnus had all but thrown him out that afternoon, the young Autobot leader made straight for the Witwicky residence and offered to take Daniel fishing.

And the boy accepted. Nothing much had changed between them, at least. Human resiliency was an amazing thing. Daniel hadn't asked questions, hadn't pushed, sensing his friend's need for some normalcy.

Rodimus found himself at the door to Springer's quarters, hit the chime. No answer. He tried again, nothing. He punched in the access code, hit the lights and found the room empty.

"Rodimus. . ."

He turned around, finding Arcee standing in the door.

"Where. . ." Rodimus said.

"He's gone. Cybertron. I just found out myself," she said. "I'm. . ."

"Don't say it," Rodimus said. "It's not your fault. If there's any blame to be laid, it's mine."

"You shouldn't say that," Arcee said.

"I can say it when it's all I've been thinking," Rodimus said. "All of this. . ."

"Is not your fault," she finished before him. "You can't take the blame for everything that's happened."

"No, but I can for the worst of it," he said. "Arcee, please. . .I don't want to talk about this now. Go. Get some rest."

She stared at him a moment, then closed the distance between them. She wrapped her arms around him.

"He'll be back," she said. "Give him time. You know how stubborn Springer can be."

She let him go, stepped back. "Good night, Rodimus," she said. "And you should follow your own advice. You should be resting, too."

Arcee smiled at him, trying to let him know things between them were all right.

Rodimus gave her a ghost of a smile. "I'll try, but first I have some business to take care of," he said.

He waited until he could no longer hear Arcee's retreating footsteps before heading the opposite direction, towards the officers' quarters. Where Ultra Magnus was. Ultra Magnus wanted him to learn how to lead so he was going to start with the city commander himself.

When he got to his quarters, Rodimus didn't hit the chime. Instead, he pounded on the door with his fist. Loudly. He didn't care if he woke anyone and not like there was anyone left down the corridor to wake. Optimus' quarters sat empty now and he'd so far refused to move into them, which was now his right as Prime.

Pound. Pound. POUND. He dented the door with the last hit, and it hurt. Before he could land another hit on the door, it slid open, revealing a very annoyed Ultra Magnus. The big mech glared at Rodimus, arms crossed. Except before he could say anything, Rodimus heard a voice from inside the room.

"Is something wrong, Magnus?"

Perceptor's voice. Rodimus' jaw dropped and he cocked an optic ridge in surprise.

"Everything's fine, Perceptor. Will be in a few seconds. . ." Ultra Magnus said.

He grabbed Rodimus by the arm, dragged him down the corridor.

"What do you want at this hour?" Ultra Magnus asked.

"I'm assuming it was you who approved Springer's request, because I know I didn't," Rodimus said.

"He wanted to leave, so I approved the request," Ultra Magnus said. "If it's any consolation, I tried reason with him. . ."

"Not very hard," Rodimus said.

"Now that you're the leader you're going to have to learn some hard lessons," Ultra Magnus said. "Starting with this one."

He balled his fist, brought up his arm, knocking Rodimus to the ground.

"Never wake me again like you just did," Ultra Magnus said. "Have some respect, but then again, you've always had problems with authority, haven't you? The irony is lovely. . ."

He reached down, helped Rodimus up. "Next time, comm me. Perceptor's upset enough lately without adding this to it," Ultra Magnus said. "Good night."

Rodimus nodded, walked away as calmly as he could. That was the second time in 24 hours he wanted to melt into the floor plating. Some leader he was--tactless and careless.

And Ultra Magnus and _Perceptor_? What was the world coming to?

-----


	4. Chapter 4

Hindsight

Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers. They belong to Hasbro and Takara. I am merely taking them for a short spin.

Rodimus Prime sat at the head of the conference table. More than one optic turned his way in anger, annoyance and exasperation as various Autobots filed in for the morning briefing. He wanted to be sitting anywhere else in the room, but Ultra Magnus would have none of it. Of course not. Have to set the example. Yeah, right. Some example I am, Rodimus thought.

The empty seats down the table didn't go unnoticed. Prowl's seat at his right. Ironhide's half-way down on the left side, empty, as was the seat next to it--Ratchet's. And his own aft was occupying the biggest empty space of all, the one no one could ever fill, no matter how much he tried.

Happy thoughts, Rodimus thought.

:Do you want them to shoot you?:

Jazz. Just walking in, late, like he always did.

:I'm here. I won't let you get thrown to the wolves. Kup won't either, and ignore Magnus' high and mighty routine. You know he's always been a stickler for protocol. He even drove Optimus nuts and they were friends. Keep this meeting down to an hour or less and they'll respect you for it. Another thing--don't let Red Alert read his report out loud. Tell him you'll take it and read it--saves lots of time. Trailbreaker's easy, so let him talk, so's Blaster:

:Anything else I need to know?:

:Yeah. Relax:

Jazz smiled at Rodimus, took his seat at the opposite end of the table. Maybe he could survive this leader thing after all.

-----

The once bustling Autobot command hub at Iacon was a ruin, as was much of the rest of the city. Springer cursed himself as he flew patrol over the place. They were still trying to find survivors, neutrals and flush out any remaining Decepticons. There were, of course, the hardcore hold-outs in Kaon, like Soundwave, who had himself a thriving little Decepticon empire whose loyalty had yet to transfer to Galvatron pending said despot's worthiness.

:See anything?:

Bumblebee. Great. Perkiness was not what he wanted to deal with.

:Nothing yet and I'll call you if I do: Springer replied.

No response, just the way he wanted it. He hadn't been the only Autobot wanting off Earth. Several of the old Ark crew had been on the shuttle he'd taken to Cybertron. Hound was in charge, which was fine with Springer. The others that had returned to their homeworld for a temporary duty assignment were Powerglide, Sideswipe, Sunstreaker, Mirage, Smokescreen and Skyfire.

-----

The meeting went better than expected, much to Rodimus' relief. But it was just the first of many, he reflected as he walked down the corridor. Now, he had yet another matter to attend to, so he decided to take care of it sooner rather than later.

:Jazz:

:Yeah:

:Meet me at the observation platform on Lookout Mountain. We need to talk:

:See you in a few:

--

Jazz beat him up the mountain. Not surprising, considering the bulk of his new form.

"What did you want to see me about?" Jazz asked.

"Command issues," Rodimus said.

Jazz crossed his arms.

"Ultra Magnus is my second in command," Rodimus said. "He said you might not be ready or even interested in being an officer again so soon after everything that's happened but. . .I need a third in command. Jazz, there is no one better suited for the job and we both know it. The Ark crew trusts you and frankly, right now, I need someone I can trust, too. Between you and Ultra Magnus you know the strengths and weaknesses of the old crew and the new arrivals like me. I'll need your help. And Jazz, I would be honored if you would be my third in command."

"That ain't all, is it?" Jazz asked.

"No," Rodimus said. "You can't just walk away from special ops, either. That's still yours, no matter what."

"What else?"

"How would you feel about relocating to the city, just for a while? Hound or Trailbreaker can handle things at the Ark. I'm not going to order everyone here, like Ultra Magnus suggested. It's your home, and I'll give you that choice. But I think we still need the Ark as a secondary base of operations, like. . ."

"Like Optimus would have wanted," Jazz finished. "I'll do it."

"Thank you," Rodimus said.

"Don't thank me yet," Jazz said. "But maybe I should be thanking you for giving me the chance to get away from the Ark for a while. Too many memories. . ."

"I know you miss them," Rodimus said.

"Gotta learn to move on and leave regret behind," Jazz said. "I never thought I'd lose Prowl, y'know? He was always there. . .and I never even told him how I felt. Nobody to blame but myself. And I know you're goin' through the same thing, and don't deny it. You should've told Prime. Now you'll never know."

Rodimus frowned at Jazz. "How. . ."

"Hero worship? C'mon. You had it worse than that. But don't worry. I won't tell anyone. Like you said, you can trust me," Jazz said. "But back to business. Give me a day or two to get things settled at the Ark. Is it OK if leave Silverbolt in charge until Hound gets back. He should be able to handle things without any trouble."

"Not a problem," Rodimus said.

Jazz nodded, transformed, sped away.

-----

Hound made sure the energon they'd stolen during the raid on one of Shockwave's supply depots was squared away before going to check on everyone's status before turning in. One more successful sortie like this one and they'd be able to head back to Earth. They'd managed to demoralize and destabilize the remaining Decepticons on Cybertron in a relatively short time.

The scout was pleased with that, although the other aspects of their mission had been less than successful. They'd found no Autobot survivors or neutrals and failed to make contact with the remaining female Autobots. He pushed that from his mind, choosing instead to dwell on the positive. There had been too little of it in recent days.

He left the shuttle's cargo bay, headed for its small communal area. The twins were quietly talking in a corner and Bumblebee was talking with Smokescreen. Powerglide and Skyfire were flying patrol and that left only Springer. Hound found him in the command center, watching monitors as he scanned for enemy activity.

"How are you doing?" Hound asked.

"Peachy," Springer said.

"Hey--I'm just checking to make sure you didn't take any fire during the raid," Hound said.

"I said I'm fine," Springer said.

"We'll be heading back to Earth in a few days. Thought you'd be glad to hear that," Hound said. "It'll give you a chance to see Arcee. You did leave rather suddenly. . ."

Springer looked up from his monitor, meeting Hound's optics.

"I didn't leave Earth because of Arcee. It was never about Arcee," Springer said. "If you don't mind, I have work to do."

Hound frowned, thought about saying something more but decided to let it drop. They all had their reasons for wanting off Earth for a while, but he wasn't going to pry any further. Not that he was anyway. He sighed, decided to turn in, leaving Springer to his own thoughts.


	5. Chapter 5

Hindsight

Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers. They belong to Hasbro and Takara. I am merely taking them for a short spin.

A deal was a deal. Jazz hoped he wouldn't be staying long at the city, but given the look on Rodimus' face when he last saw the new leader, he wasn't too happy at the moment either. The special ops commander allowed himself a wry grin at that--Ultra Magnus' last act of defiance before Rodimus put his foot down. Hard. Jazz was moving into Hot Rod's old quarters; Rodimus' living space was now the quarters barely occupied by Optimus Prime--something that didn't sit well with leader and third in command. Not that either could say much about it--it was Ultra Magnus' ultimatum, do it and he'd back off, although in Jazz's mind, the way the city commander was acting was well, insubordinate.

He'd been the Matrix-bearer, what, a day, if even that? Hadn't even managed to hold on to what had been passed to him. Jazz had already heard the story of what happened on the Junkion planet more than once. Daniel Witwicky liked to talk.

He pushed it from his mind, turned his thoughts to what he was going to have do deal with at Autobot City. It wasn't like he was abandoning the Ark, Jazz told himself. It was, as Rodimus promised, only temporary, and he wouldn't be alone. Bumblebee was there, to be closer to Spike and Daniel and Blaster had moved there as soon as the city was built to better facilitate communications.

But having a few close friends there wasn't the biggest issue--it was his job to help their new leader build solidarity between the Ark crew and the rest of the Autobots. Not an easy task, but someone had to help Rodimus. And helping him accept his role as leader was part of it, but Jazz would do it because he'd been asked, and it was proof he was still needed, still mattered. Having a purpose, at least for the time being, would help him forget what he'd lost.

-----

Rodimus Prime entered the access code to his new quarters. The lights came on as he entered, and the door whooshed shut, shutting him off from the rest of the world, at least temporarily. He knew he should've felt relieved for a brief respite, to be off duty, away from the burden of leadership, but he wasn't feeling it. Instead, he felt empty and sullen as he stood in the middle of the space intended for another.

Rodimus understood the need for his relocation--it was close to ops and the med bay, putting him right where a leader needed to be. But it was also right down the hall from Ultra Magnus, which galled the new leader.

The better to keep an eye on me, he thought. Rodimus knew Ultra Magnus meant well, but sometimes. . .like now, even the normally easy-going Jazz wanted to separate the city commander from his head. Understandable considering how much stress everyone was still under after the battle for the city and what had happened on Cybertron. There was another happy thought-Cybertron and what to do about it. Rodimus sighed as he sat down on the edge of the berth. Yes, he was off-duty, but he was learning a leader's job was never done.

There was always something to think about, deal with, worry over. Small things like duty rosters to big matters like procuring the necessary supplies to repair the city and the even bigger consideration of an entire planet. Which, by the way, was a small concern at the moment when compared to the matter of a certain Autobot currently on Cybertron. Springer. Primus, how Rodimus wanted to talk to him, try to straighten out things between them. He wasn't stupid, could recognize that something bigger than his inheritance of leadership was bothering his best friend. No, something else was bugging

Springer.

And then there were his own feelings he was trying to not deal with. Loss. The loss of himself, his identity. Both important but they took a back seat to the even bigger loss of Optimus Prime, for many reasons, one he doubted he'd ever be ready to deal with. Because he was gone and nothing could bring him back.


	6. Chapter 6

Hindsight

Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers. They belong to Hasbro and Takara. I am merely taking them for a short spin.

"You were rash, and foolish, and you could have been killed," Ultra Magnus said.

The tone was accusatory and more than little condescending.

Rodimus Prime went to push himself off the surgical berth he occupied but a stern but gentle shove from First Aid kept him parked where he was.

"If you lose the Matrix. . ."

"Funny, you should talk about losing the Matrix," Rodimus said, wiping energon from the corner of his mouth. "Magnus, stow it before I shut you up myself. I've had enough of this. I'm not dead, unfortunately. But if you want the Matrix back, I'd be more than glad to hand it over. Instead of acting like a jackass, do your job. How many are hurt? Is anyone dead, or do you even care?"

Ultra Magnus' expression went blank. "Seven injured, and no one is dead. We were lucky today," he said. "More lucky than you know."

Rodimus shook his head in frustration. His first battle as leader of the Autobots and they'd very nearly gotten their afts handed to them again if it hadn't been for his rash and foolish actions. Although putting himself right in Galvatron's line of fire was stupid. But he had saved Ultra Magnus' aft, and a few others as well.

"Is that all?" Rodimus asked.

"Hound's team will be returning tomorrow," Ultra Magnus said. "Need I remind you we need to come up with a plan for Cybertron?"

"I don't need reminding. If you want to make yourself useful, you'll get a team together, get your aft to Cybertron and take a look around. The faster the better. Things here won't fall apart," Rodimus said.

Ultra Magnus stared.

"That, by the way, is an order," Rodimus said, biting back a grin. He hurt. Oh frag, he hurt all over. But he wasn't going to show it until Magnus walked away or he keeled over from the pain. Fortunately, Magnus walked away, already making plans in his head.

"Can I finish your repairs?" First Aid asked.

"How is everyone else?"

"Perceptor and Hoist handled the worst of it. You're all that's left," First Aid said.

"You can finish," Rodimus said. "And next time, don't ask. Just do it, OK?"

First Aid nodded, watched as the young leader laid back on the berth.

-----

Jazz and Kup walked into the med bay, checking on the wounded. First Aid was passed out in the office and the med bay was still occupied by the three Autobots suffering the most damage in the battle. Blurr, Tracks and Rodimus Prime were recharging, recuperating. And thankfully, no one had pointed out to their new leader that the berth he was on was the one where the former Prime had died.

The fact did not escape Kup nor Jazz.

"I'm surprised he's still here," Jazz said.

"Probably too tired to move," Kup said. "The lad's got a heavy burden to bear."

"Among other things," Jazz said.

"Eh?"

"He's missing Optimus pretty bad," Jazz said.

"We all are," Kup said.

"I think it goes a little deeper in Rodimus' case," Jazz said.

"If you're talking about the guilt he's feeling, I know he blames himself for what happened. How could he not? But I've told him. . .it wasn't his fault," Kup said.

"That's not what I meant," Jazz said. "But I know Rodimus is dealing with that, too."

"Lad, I know what you meant," Kup said, placing a hand on Jazz's shoulder. "He hasn't talked to me about it since before what happened on Cyberton with Unicron. I had my suspicions about how Hot Rod felt about Prime, but he never came right out and said it. Too stubborn and proud."

"Think he'll be all right?" Jazz asked.

"I hope so," Kup said. "This is a heavy burden he's been handed. And Ultra Magnus isn't helping. But that's where we come in. I know it's going to be a long, hard road for him to accept leadership and to learn how to lead, but he's not the first. He's not the first Prime I've helped through this process, and I bet he's not the last."

"Well, for one, old-timer, I'm glad you're here with us right now, and not just for Rodimus' sake," Jazz said.

"Thanks Jazz," Kup said. "You should go get some rest. Tomorrow is going to be a long day. I'll stay, watch over the lad."

Jazz nodded, walked away, giving the ancient Autobot one last look over his shoulder as he headed toward his quarters. Kup was right. They were facing yet another long day, but with Ultra Magnus ordered to Cybertron, hopefully it would go smooth. And with Magnus occupied elsewhere for a while, it meant he would be second in command. A daunting prospect, especially considering Jazz wasn't certain if he was ready to act in that capacity so soon after. . .but someone had to, and it might as well be him. He'd been asked, and he had a job to do. At least it would give him the chance to help work out some of the kinks between the Ark crew and the newcomers, and if they didn't want to listen, he'd find a way to make things work, or else.

Such a situation, Jazz knew, required a cool head, something Prowl was better suited for, and just thinking about his friend made Jazz want to crawl into his berth, shut off the lights and stay there. But it wasn't an option, at least not a viable one. Others were depending on him and he was not going to let them down.

-----


	7. Chapter 7

Hindsight

Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers. They belong to Hasbro and Takara. I am merely taking them for a short spin.

Jazz wasn't surprised Rodimus didn't show up to see off Ultra Magnus. He thought about waiting around for Hound's shuttle to arrive, but it would be a few hours yet, and he had his duties. For a few moments, Jazz contemplated saying to hell with it and high-tailing it back to the Ark, but a promise was a promise. No going back on his word, and with Ultra Magnus gone, it would give things a chance to settle down a little.

The hostility between city commander and new Prime wasn't going unnoticed, nor was it helping an already difficult situation. Jazz hoped separate corners would give everybody a chance to cool off. The thing was, Magnus was a good mech, likable if you could get around the stick up his aft. Hell, he was one of Optimus Prime's oldest and closest friends besides Ironhide and Kup. Jazz allowed himself a sad smile at the thought of Optimus and his choice of friends. The two oldest, wisest mechs of the bunch and the one everyone was sure had no sense of humor.

Jazz sighed. He'd just have to sit Magnus down when he got back, get him and Rodimus talking. A daunting task, but it would be a challenge, and Primus knew Jazz needed all the distracting he could get.

-----

Rodimus didn't meet Springer's shuttle. He figured if the jackass wanted to talk to *him,* he'd find him. It was late anyway, and Springer was probably already recharging in his quarters, or drinking himself into another stupor. At the moment, the young Prime couldn't decide which option to choose himself. Recharge was probably the safer, more responsible choice. Can't do something unbecoming a Prime, somebody might see, he thought. Well, no one was around to see him or criticize him or anything. Just four walls and himself, the way he wanted it. Of course though, the chime to his quarters would have to go off.

Rodimus stood, walked over, surprised to see Perceptor as the door slid open. The scientist gave him a warm smile.

"Rodimus, I'm sorry to bother you so late, but I wanted to take a few moments to see how you're faring," Perceptor said.

Rodimus snorted. "Thanks, Perceptor, but I'm fine," he said.

"I disagree with that statement," Perceptor said. "You're anything but fine, I'm sorry to say."

Rodimus stood, arms crossed, staring down his nose at the smaller mech. "If you're going to take me to task over how I'm doing with this leadership thing, you can leave now or I'll toss you out on your aft. Your choice," he said.

Perceptor put his hands on his hips, standing his ground. "Forced removal of my person from your quarters is not necessary. Sit, please, I only want to talk," he said.

The other Autobot frowned, but sat down on the edge of his berth. Perceptor took a seat at at the desk.

"There, better, isn't it?" Perceptor said. "You managed to get quite a rise out of Magnus the other night when you woke both of us with your. . .demonstration. The door to his quarters has been repaired, although I was wondering if you had your hand looked at."

"I wasn't hurt," Rodimus said. "And I'm sorry I woke you up. Can't say the same for feeling that way about Magnus losing any rest."

Perceptor let the last comment go.

"Rodimus, recent events have left their mark on all of us, none more so than yourself or Magnus. We've all lost friends, some lost something more. . ." he said, trailing off, thinking of Jazz and Prowl.

"I don't want to talk about that," Rodimus said.

"Nor do I," Perceptor said. "But. . ."

"Perceptor, it's late, and we can finish this tomorrow, if you have something you want to ask me," Rodimus said. "Unless it's something important, then you can go."

Perceptor stood.

"As I said before, I only wanted to see how you are," the scientist said. "If you need someone to talk to, I would be willing to listen."

"I've had plenty of offers," Rodimus said.

"Even from Springer?" Perceptor said. "He is in the rec room, if you want to see him. I thought possibly you would like to know."

"Yeah, thanks," Rodimus said. "Good night, Perceptor."

The other Autobot nodded, taking his leave. Rodimus watched him go, wondering why the hell everyone couldn't just leave him alone.


End file.
